From Seo’s journal:
Text 1
When professors say this… they really mean this!
* This needs some minor revision. (I never actually got around to reading this.)
* My office hours are by appointment only. (I like to get out of here early.)
* Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. (I’ll be fudging your grades.)
* This won’t be on the test. (Nap time!)
* Bring the text to class. (I don’t have a clue how to lecture … we’ll just kill time with group read-alongs.)
* Talk to the department secretary. (Get lost.)
* Talk to me in my office after class. (Get out of my face.)
* The tests will all be multiple-choice. (I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my grading.)
* Don’t come in late during my lecture. (I have the attention span of a fruit fly.)
* Save your questions until the end. (See above.)
* The final will be comprehensive. (I’ll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn’t fully cover myself in 15 weeks.)
* Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. (This course is outside my specialty—I’ll just bluff it and let YOU teach.)
* There are two TAs available to help you. (I can’t be bothered.)
* This year I’ll be scaling the grades. (I just passed tenure review.)
* Let’s break up into quiet discussion groups. (I have a hangover.)
* Let’s have class outdoors today! (I had beans for lunch.)
* You won’t be able to sell back the text to the bookstore. (My contract wasn’t picked up.)
* Please note the last day to withdraw. (The midterm’s gonna suck.)
* The answer to number 4 is “b,” and just skip number 17. (I only got around to making up the test last night.)
* The second list is optional reading. (I have a rich fantasy life.)
* I haven’t had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. (The idiot department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.)
* Well, it was on the syllabus. (I’ll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.)
* We’ll just skip the term paper this semester. (There wasn’t enough in the budget for a TA.)
* Bring a number 2 pencil to the exam. (See above.)
* Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. (I’m so boring that no one would show up otherwise.)
* Read chapters 5 through 10. (I’m not coming in at all next week.)
* We’ll have to cover this chapter quickly. (I screwed up the lecture schedule.)
* Let’s go over the exam. (Half of you failed.)
* It was in the textbook. (I pulled it out of thin air.)
* I’m postponing today’s exam. (There’s stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.)
* Don’t write on the question sheet. (I’m so lazy I just use the same exams every semester.)