Text #4: Zoom Room Blues
(i) Source:
Contributor: Molly Fagan
Informant: Jacob
Semester/Year: Spring, 2021
IU Bloomington
(ii) Text:
MF: So of course we’re all quite familiar with Zoom by this point, unfortunately [laughing], so I was wondering, have you heard any stories involving Zoom? Like any embarrassing things, or accidents, or really just about anything? I know I’ve heard several about embarrassing failures to mute, but I haven’t been able to verify any.
J: So yeah, I actually have heard a couple, and they’re along those same lines. There’s this one guy I hang out with sometimes and supposedly he heard this crazy story about some chick who makes the, the dumbest decision possible pretty much. Basically what happens is that this girl decides that it’s fine to have sex with her boyfriend during class because her video is off, right? So she’s thinking no one can see her, so she thought she was good. But the problem is she forgot to check the mute button. So of course, my buddy said everyone could supposedly hear them going at it, and then, and I thought this part was really funny, the professor just asked really politely if the girl was okay. Her video immediately disappeared and then no one ever saw her again, so obviously she was so embarrassed she dropped the class. Apparently it was an otherwise boring class [laughs], so I guess that’s why they made up the story to pretend like something interesting is going on in their lives. Like it’s still pretty hard to do much if you’re still being safe about covid, so why not make up stories?
MF: So you feel pretty sure that it was all made up? Do you think there’s any possibility that it’s ever actually happened at any college out there? It seems like a lot of stories kind of start with something real sometimes.
J: I mean, I feel like it didn’t. It’s just too crazy, because why would you be so dumb? I get someone like, forgetting to mute and then farting, or cussing or something. But full-blown sex? I dunno, but I just can’t believe it. I guess I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened at least ONE college, so alright, I wouldn’t rule that out. But actually at IU? I don’t think so. Now I do believe the one I heard about a girl who decided not to wear pants to “class” and thought her camera was facing up high enough so you couldn’t tell. But that wasn’t the case, and supposedly she didn’t notice for practically the whole time. Okay, well I feel like it wouldn’t be for the WHOLE class, but that seems much more plausible than that story.
MF: Why do you think people like telling these stories so much right now? Is it unique to Zoom, or more just an extension of what would have happened during normal times?
J: I’m not really sure about your last question, but yeah, I think people just tell these because they’re crazy stories, and it gives you something to talk about. They’re funny, or just plain mortifying a lot of the time, and they’re fun to listen to. Even if they’re made up, I think the point is just to make each other laugh. So yeah, it seems normal, just a different platform for these stories. But could you imagine if people did the same shit in-person that they do in Zoom classes?!
MF: Oh god [laughing]
J: Dude, if half of these were true and they were translated to like normal class, then you’d have people walking around half-naked, or eating cereal, or apparently having sex. Okay, well I wouldn’t mind the cereal part too much, but man people are gross!
(iii) Texture:
Here, Jacob tells the Zoom stories he’s heard before in a rather carefree, irreverent manner, and certainly not as true. He was highly skeptical of the veracity of many of the stories floating around about online classes, simply because he didn’t believe people could be that idiotic. His faith in humanity’s decision-making skills is laudable, but perhaps a bit naïve. He sprinkles his telling with “supposedly” and “apparently” so as to communicate to his listener that he doesn’t put much stock into them, perhaps also to defend himself from potentially disbelieving audiences so as not to look gullible. He was also more than willing to add a bit of humor of his own by turning the thing on its head and positing a scenario in which people carried out real and supposed Zoom behaviors in physical classrooms. The idea really is quite jarring, and while he did seem to find a few parts of the stories he had heard funny, the humorous conjecture he added in at the end was what he enjoyed the most. You get a sense that the Zoom legends he’d heard were simply a jumping-off point for his own humorous commentary on human behavior more than anything, and that’s rather interesting.
(iv) Context:
Who created/performed the text- Jacob
Members of the audience- Myself
Location/timing- Outside the Global and International Studies Building, spring semester 2021
Unfortunately, in common with Akilah and Kinsey, Jacob decided to go by a pseudonym. I managed to convince him that I wouldn’t use his suggested “ Mr. Manbearpig” (a reference to South Park), so Jacob it was. It seemed much more academically dignified, but I digress. We spoke outside the Global and International Studies Building, which I find difficult to sit outside of simply because of the bird calls constantly being piped out to discourage real birds from landing and using the roof as a toilet. It was difficult for me to focus, but the sound didn’t bother him in the slightest. Being outdoors in the beautiful weather made for a very relaxing environment otherwise, so he didn’t feel pressured or awkward about sharing stories (though they really aren’t outlandish anyway). He’s a junior, so he’s had plenty of personal experience with the mercurial entity known as Zoom, giving him a baseline to judge the stories he had heard. If he had taken very few Zoom classes, these stories likely wouldn’t have aroused such skepticism and speculation on the human condition from him. This is an important contextual point, as he would have had much less interest and connection to these widespread stories of disaster.
(v) Interpretation:
As with all the Zoom disaster stories I’ve personally heard, Jacob heard it from someone else who heard it from someone else, so a classic FOAF story (well, sort of classic). It seems to be very difficult to actually track down any proof and I haven’t heard anyone claim that it happened in their class. Obviously mishaps occur all the time, but a student actually having sex during a “class” and forgetting to check the mute button bears a heavier burden of truth than most others. It seems that these stories contain within them cautionary lessons about making sure you’ve checked to be sure that you’re muted before going to the bathroom, or to talk on the phone, or whatever it is that students do behind the square on their screen. Of course, carnal scandals make for the most impactful telling because sex sells, and the negative social and academic results of failing to take those consequences into account is a poignant lesson. But elements of humor are often bound up with those seemingly practical warnings; the sort of humor that springs from social transgressions, and the secondhand mortification that goes along with hearing about a Zoom disaster. The shocking revelation draws an involuntary laugh out of many, and a sense of relief follows shortly afterward in the form of a thought along the lines of “Thank god that’s never happened to me, I guess I’m not doing all that badly.” What the kids call “cringey” is very much in action here, and “cringey” jokes and YouTube videos recording embarrassing moments are a very popular source of online humor. The moment when everyone realizes that the student in the story is engaged in less than academic pursuits, the humor really kicks in when the professor innocently inquires after her wellbeing so as to gently navigate this most awkward of situations. This part of the tale seems to be emphasized, or at least present in the variation I myself have heard. This probably serves to inject a “clean, pure” element that stands in contrast to the “dirty debauchery” occurring on the other side of the screen. Zoom legends are so recent that it’s difficult to pin them down, but they’re certainly interesting.